Can't Wait For Summer!!

Its that time of the year again. School is almost over for me and then we will begin the lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer. Oh the fun we will have grilling our food out back when it is 97 degrees and 90% humidity. Let's not forget the extra plus that huge bees and hornets will be dive bombing at our head, arms, legs and face while we are enjoying the grilling experience. It also gives me the opportunity to pick up whatever I drop on the grass and patio blocks as quickly as I can so that YOU never know it hit the ground. Of course, I will strategically place it on the platter (whatever it is) so that I know where it is and it will be you who eats that one!

Then there will be the days we go to the shore to "enjoy" the beach on hot days. We will pack wonderful lunches and fill a cooler with cold drinks and head to Cape May or some other acceptable place. If we are really lucky, lots of grandchildren who will be quickly disenchanted with the 2 hour ride will come with us. Then we can "enjoy" spending time with them as they yell in the car, "Are we almost there?" When we finally get to the beach the real fun will begin. We can spend about 20 minutes looking for a parking space close to the beach only to park where we should have in the first place. Then we can carry all the great stuff we brought for 10 minutes as we make our final approach to the sand. Oh yeah, the sand. When we finally get to it it will be incredibly hot and burn our feet as we prepare to have fun and find the perfect spot to drop all our crap on the floor. Finally we arrive! Ok spread out the blanket (which will keep folding from the gale winds which are always at the beach). When we finally get that done the blanket will be sprinkled with sand like measles on a 2 year old. Now we can sit (so that some of that sand will stick to our legs and get into that sadistic mesh thing that put inside mens' bathing suits to make sure we are never comfortable when we wear them). Ok, now the real fun begins. Once seated we get to look around at all the others on the beach. There's the 5'9" man who weighs 225 and is wearing the speedo. He has a tatoo of Jane Fonda on his thigh. There is the 72 year old guy who has obviously hit the tanning booths before the beach season began. Lots of stuff is hanging from his extremities in the form of skin tabs and hair is growing on things that should not have hair (eg top of his ears, elbows etc.). He also has volumes of grey hair on his chest and legs. And then there's the ladies. Many are wearing bikinis or two piece bathing suits and are spending all their time trying to cover themselves. And lets not forget the twentysomethings who lay on their stomach, get a wedgie, unhook their tops and then cop an attitude when you look at them! About 20 minutes have passed and I am thinking about when we are going to leave. I can't mention that though because everyone will yell at me (I know that from previous years when we went there to have fun). Some dope says, "Lets go into the water". We do and that is another serious error. It is freezing. Also there are various forms of algae floating everywhere and unusual, never before seen things are biting our toes. And let's not forget the jelly fish. We had enough and head back to the blanket to dry off. OK, lets eat. We unpack the lunch and drinks and cannot figure out why there is sand all over the soda cans. We never opened the cooler! The first bite of the sandwich makes a crunching sound. Ham and cheese is not supposed to crunch. More sand. How did that happen? I can only eat one sandwich because sand fills me up. I don't know about anyone else but I think I'm getting a little red. Why? I put lots of sunblock on. (That's another story. Slimy, greasy sunblock that never goes away and always makes you feel like you work at Jiffy Lube). I guess I missed the part behind my legs, my ears, the top of my head, my neck and especially my ankles and the top of my feet. After about 2 hours (seems like 10 to me) we get ready to leave. The gear is not as heavy because we have consumed the food but we are all feeling a little skeevy so the journey back to the car is no more fun than the trip to the sand. Finally we get into the car and I blast the air conditioning. This is what summer is all about...air conditioning. Now we can drive home burnt, with chills, itchy from the sand stuck in our butts. We spend about $15 per day to air condition our house and we just went to the hot, humid beach so that we could enjoy a summer day. Yeah, summer's coming. Get ready for the fun.